Monthly Archives: July 2011

WHACK ’a Mole with a Wine Bottle

The captain’s turned on the seat belt sign. Translated: walk your ass back to your seat and sit your ass down and stay there!  No, don’t pop back up 30 seconds later to try to get to the bathroom.  WHACK!  The seat belt sign’s still on dumbass!  WHACK!

God, put me out of my misery with a glass, no a bottle –   (the better to whack with). Brand, 2008, Columbia Valley is mean, and I mean that in a good way.  Steeped in very cherry berry, unripe rigidity and cranberry roastiness, this wine is easy.  Smooth, with an awestruck finish, it doesn’t mince words, does not waste time and directs the next dumbass to the nearest exit.  Thin the herd. WHACK!

Picture: Cellartracker.com

Posted by Teri Citterman

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Get Off Your Ass and Drink!

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege (using that term loosely) of seeing Colin Powell, Dan Rather, Bill Cosby, Guiliani and Laura Bush speak at the “Get Motivated” speaker’s series. I actually wanted to see them.  What I didn’t know, was under the guise of “leadership”, this was the RNC meets RV Park – a patriotic pep assembly on crack. People wore American flag sweatshirts. ‘Nuf said.

Let’s just say, these speakers serve as a front – drawing herds to Key Arenas across the country.  Then, like cattle, for a few hours at a time, the audience is subjected to fearful admonishments, infomercial-style, of what hell you will go to if you’re not financially secure.  Buy this!  Sign up today! Only $49.99!

I felt violated, though I realize, I am not a victim. Yes, I could have left. But I wanted to see Bill Cosby.

After such a disturbing experience, one has no choice, but to drink.  Something with a loud snarl, big enough to erase the Republican grime of the day’s events.  I call to the podium 2009, Charles & Charles red blend – part Cab Sauv, part Syrah.  Like a strong dose of lithiuim, this wine has deft precision to cut away the stain, leaving smooth tannins that slithery slather down your throat. A combination of chewy berry, dark cherry and plum, lusciousness envelopes your tongue lulling you into a luscious hypnotic state, the right blend for such an anguishing day.  A roaring finish awakes you back to reality, leaving your tongue tapped and your ears ringing.  Did I like it? I loved it.  “A much gutsier syrah that takes far more control of the agenda, and we’re psyched about that.” Now, give the lady back her fanny pack.