I’d take snakes on a plane over screaming babies any day. Traveling from DC to Seattle is no short flight. And the screeching emitting from this small bundle was like no sound I’d ever heard. Maybe from a car with a broken fanbelt, but never from a human. And yes, I realize most people go to a place of empathy; poor baby. I go to “how much more can I take before I have no choice but to slit my wrists with a safety pin!”
This baby was making such guttural, throatal sounds that I thought its head might pop off. And then of course I started thinking, what does one drink when a baby’s head pops off? On a plane, your choices are limited, so it’s always good to anticipate these things.
Iris Vineyard, 2009, Pinot Noir from Oregon could work. It provides the calm I need in a moment of complete chaos. This wine is light, a little more squawky than I like, but non-offensive and non-remarkable. It might be brighter with food, but it seemed inappropriate to ask the flight attendant to whip up an appetizer for me to de-acid-ify the wine. I’m probably inappropriate enough as it is. The thing is this wine achieved the goal. It was a fine distraction – not terribly interesting but absolutely good enough. Which happened to be the last name of a person my seatmate and I were gossiping about. Jennifer Goodenough. Now that’s something to cry about!
PS – Some will find this offensive for a variety of reasons. I know that. I’m okay with it. Also, the baby was pretty damn cute. But that’s beside the point.