Sometimes Everclear – Like a Laxative – is a Fine Wine Substitute

What does it take to unblock a writer?   A really strong laxative, Everclear and a crazy (nearly retarded) bad date. Wine? Not this time.  I don’t know how well this will translate, but if you know me at all, I think you’ll get it.

Two words: Oh fuck.

Date: Blind. He is not blind, nor am I.  But we have not met before.

Tone: Awkward from the moment he arrives.

First topic: Wine

Him: Well, I don’t know a lot about wine.

Me: Here taste this. It’s an Oregon Pinot and an Italian Schiava.

Him: They’re really good.  Why don’t you order me something.  Whatever you think I’d like.  The price doesn’t matter.  No really, it doesn’t.  I mean really, go ahead and get whatever you want. (I paid for the drinks.)

Second:  Where do you travel for work?

Me: Well, I went to Arkansas this summer.

Him: Oh, Little Rock; I love Little Rock

Me: No, I didn’t go to Little Rock. I went to a little…..

Him: I love it there. I could live there

Me: Yah, I didn’t go to Little Rock. I was in…..

Him: Little Rock is cool, I could live there

Me: Yah…. I didn’t go to Little Rock.

Him: But I’ve never been to Vegas.

Me: Yah, that’s a shame. I think you might like it.

Third: Still travel

Him: I’ve never been to Europe. I’m saving that trip for someone special, cause I don’t want to go alone.

Me: Oh you should just go. I’m leaving Thursday for Amsterdam.

Him: You mean you’re getting on a plane?

Me: Yes, in fact I am.

Him: To Austria?

Me: No, but good guess.

Him: Wait, where did you say? Is that a country?

Me:  I’m going to Amsterdam, which is not a country.

Him: Yah, I wanna go to Australia.  Spend a week or so there.  Do you go to Europe a lot? Like when was the last time you were there

Me: I was there in October.

Him: Are you someone’s mistress?

Me: Yes

Him: Would you be mine? I mean here, not in Europe.

Me: Oh sweetie, you flatter me.

Interlude:

Him: I like your necklace. It’s not gaudy – you know?

Me: Yah, I do know.  Thank you.

Fourth: Needing to leave immediately

Me: So…. I need to get going. I’m driving to Portland tonight. (Lie.  Kanye West/Jay Z concert in Tacoma will have traffic backed up for miles.  But I’m tempted.)

Him: Oh, Portland, I’ve been there like 20 times.  Love it!

Me: Yah, it’s a cool city. I need to go meet my mom, so I need to get going.  Like now….

Him: Oh…. So are you flying?

Me: Yah…no, I’m dr….. well yes, flying…..to Portland

Him: Oh, do you have family there?

Me: Ummmm, something like that…

I could not get away fast enough.  I know, some people say that – but really…. NOT FAST ENOUGH.

Straight Men Take Note! And Wines of the Loire Valley

In Nantes, I fell in love with two gorgeous men, their beautiful palatial flat and their charming French Bulldog named Esco. Did I mention one was a chef?  And the other – oh just a hot doctor, the kind you fantasize about.

Should I go on? A taste through the wines of the spectacularly diverse Loire Valley, and I’ll come back to that.  A drive through the tiny towns to see the imposing castles. The boys packed a gourmet picnic beyond my wildest dreams, and many of you know I dream wildly.  Let’s just say a tomato, goat cheese tart with a crust that melted in your mouth, an eggplant, garlicky mixy thing that made the already astounding baguette that much better, and did I mention the chocolate butter? (aka chocolate mouse. Amazing).

But the best part (aside from the wine, and food, and company)?  When it came time to visit the public bathroom, the boys didn’t miss a beat, tossing a roll of T.P. to us as we journeyed away.  I’m not one to state the obvious, but do you think they were gay? I’ve yet to meet a straight man who would think to pack it, let alone suggest you take it BEFORE reaching the restroom. Straight Men! Take note!  A girl appreciates that kind of thoughtfulness!

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Now on to the wines…..

Soléne Franquet heads Vins De Loire, and took us through a tasting of magnificent juice. Red, white, dry, sweet and sparkling…my appetite for Loire Valley wines can now only be only described as insatiable.  Good thing there’s not shortage.

From Muscadet Sévre et Maine:

Pierre-Yves Perthuis, 2010 Cuvée Prestige erupts in grapefruit and slate.  Light white floral blends with slight lemon lime effervescence.  The wine finishes smoothly into an array of green flowers.

La Tour Du Ferre, 2008, Margherita offers soft peach, pineapple and tropical fruit with an approachable cinnamon finish.

Domaine Poiron Dabin, 2004 Hatue Résolution, Grande Réserve ha peach and white pepper, and a hint of Channel Mademoiselle. There’s a lot going on in this glass – lemon, candied fruit and sautéed zucchini. When it’s slithering down your throat, you’ll understand what I mean.

A bit about the Loire:

• France’s leading producer of white wines
• France’s leading AOC region for fine sparkling wines
• France’s 3rd largest region in terms of production, with 4,000,000 hectolitres, including 3,000,000 hl of quality wines PSR
• France’s 4th largest vineyard in terms of surface area 70,000 hectares, including 52,000 ha of quality wines PSR, spread over 13 departments
• 63 Appellations d’Origine Contrôlée, 400 million bottles

Posted by Teri Citterman

A Full Glass of Heavy Hearts

That grin… that laugh…that Glenn. In love with life and full of stories – of travels, of loss of love. He found his and he glowed. I hold you, Glenn, tight in my heart, and my thoughts are with you Janice.

Glenn C. Coogan  May 22, 1956 – September 11, 2011

A celebration of his life will be held at 2:00 PM on September 24, 2011 at Columbia Winery 14030 NE 145th ST, Woodinville WA.

Obituary

Glenn C. Coogan, age 55, died on Sunday, September 11, 2011 in Aberdeen (Westport) Washington of a heart attack. He was born on May 22, 1956 in Stuttgart, Germany to William Edward and Maria Rita Coogan. As an infant he moved with his parents to the U.S.A. and grew up in Tacoma and Vancouver, Washington. He graduated in 1974 from Hudson Bay High School in Vancouver, Washington. While in school he excelled in track and basketball, and truly treasured his relationships with all of his friends.

Glenn enjoyed golf, climbing, hiking, biking and fishing. He will be remembered for his generosity, work ethic, and persistence in getting things done right. He was a man with many friends, always looking to encourage and help others. He loved his friends and family and lived life to the absolute fullest. He is a friend who will never be forgotten.

Glenn is survived by his wife Janice of Woodinville; son Steven Coogan of Vancouver, WA; his mother Maria Orendurff of Vancouver, WA; brother Don Coogan of Yacolt, WA; sister Rosemary Hard of Washougal, WA; two nieces Tamara Asplund and Sarah Joyce and a nephew Sean Monear, all of Vancouver. The extended family includes great nephews Jorden, Evyn, and Jackson, and a great niece Morgyn. Glenn was preceded in death by his son David Glenn Coogan.

Glenn was Vice President of Northwest Operations for Ascentia Wine Estates and was based in Woodinville, Washington overseeing operations for Columbia, Covey Run, and Ste. Chapelle wineries. Glenn served as Vice Chair of the Washington Wine Commission and Chairman of the Board of Directors for the Washington Wine Industry Foundation.

Glenn worked as Vice President of Operations for Ste. Michelle Wine Estates from 1997 to 2002. In 2002, he became the Vice President of Northwest Operations for Constellation Wines. He continued working with Columbia, Covey Run and Ste. Chapelle following their acquisition by Ascentia Wine Estates in 2008. In prior years, Glenn worked for Ocean Spray Cranberries as a manufacturing manager. He received his Bachelor of Economics from Portland State University in 1981.

In lieu of flowers the family suggests donations to the Glenn Coogan Memorial Fund for scholarships which has been established via the Washington Wine Industry Foundation. Donations can be made at their website at www.washingtonwinefoundation.org.

Please take a few moments to record your thoughts for the family by signing the online register at www.colemanmortuary.net

Photo credit: Janice Coogan

Posted by Teri Citterman

WHACK ’a Mole with a Wine Bottle

The captain’s turned on the seat belt sign. Translated: walk your ass back to your seat and sit your ass down and stay there!  No, don’t pop back up 30 seconds later to try to get to the bathroom.  WHACK!  The seat belt sign’s still on dumbass!  WHACK!

God, put me out of my misery with a glass, no a bottle –   (the better to whack with). Brand, 2008, Columbia Valley is mean, and I mean that in a good way.  Steeped in very cherry berry, unripe rigidity and cranberry roastiness, this wine is easy.  Smooth, with an awestruck finish, it doesn’t mince words, does not waste time and directs the next dumbass to the nearest exit.  Thin the herd. WHACK!

Picture: Cellartracker.com

Posted by Teri Citterman

Get Off Your Ass and Drink!

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege (using that term loosely) of seeing Colin Powell, Dan Rather, Bill Cosby, Guiliani and Laura Bush speak at the “Get Motivated” speaker’s series. I actually wanted to see them.  What I didn’t know, was under the guise of “leadership”, this was the RNC meets RV Park – a patriotic pep assembly on crack. People wore American flag sweatshirts. ‘Nuf said.

Let’s just say, these speakers serve as a front – drawing herds to Key Arenas across the country.  Then, like cattle, for a few hours at a time, the audience is subjected to fearful admonishments, infomercial-style, of what hell you will go to if you’re not financially secure.  Buy this!  Sign up today! Only $49.99!

I felt violated, though I realize, I am not a victim. Yes, I could have left. But I wanted to see Bill Cosby.

After such a disturbing experience, one has no choice, but to drink.  Something with a loud snarl, big enough to erase the Republican grime of the day’s events.  I call to the podium 2009, Charles & Charles red blend – part Cab Sauv, part Syrah.  Like a strong dose of lithiuim, this wine has deft precision to cut away the stain, leaving smooth tannins that slithery slather down your throat. A combination of chewy berry, dark cherry and plum, lusciousness envelopes your tongue lulling you into a luscious hypnotic state, the right blend for such an anguishing day.  A roaring finish awakes you back to reality, leaving your tongue tapped and your ears ringing.  Did I like it? I loved it.  “A much gutsier syrah that takes far more control of the agenda, and we’re psyched about that.” Now, give the lady back her fanny pack.

What’s Wiener’s Wife Drinking?

A wiener, by definition, is a tube of mystery meat.  And why someone as classy as Huma Abedin would choose to marry one is beyond me. (But marriage is a funny thing.) Huma is a rockstar.  Beautiful, smart and working for Hilary.  Sidenote: I’m dying to know how Hilary weighed in on this trainwreck.

Yes, I know she’s pregnant, but if ever there was a time to invoke the virtues of the 50s Housewife Pregnancy Manual on How to Cope  – drinking, smoking and popping Valium, is the call here.  And, for once, can we reserve judgment?  Can we? For a beverage suggestion, I recommend a wine that’s effectively restrained.  Corvidae, 2008, Columbia Valley Syrah has the force of brute strength, yet is subtle and elegant.  It’s intelligently divine, yet down to earth – grounded in  brooding raspberry and cherry confidence.  Its powerfully  controlled finish leaves you wanting more… and more…and more.  But let’s be clear.  It does not pair well with wieners.

Photo Cellartracker.com

Posted by Teri Citterman

What Wine Goes to the Testicle Festival?

Clear your calendar because the annual Testicle Festival is right around the corner and I want to know what you plan to be drinking.  Personally, I recommend something round and juicy. What is this festival? Exactly what you think it is?  It’s a celebration of balls!  Marinated balls, deep fried balls, breaded balls, pounded flat and grilled.  I know. I’m cringing right along with you. Let’s talk about something else. R.Stuart & Co, Autograph 2008, Willamette Valley, Pinot Noir is inappropriately friendly. It’s red and flirtatious with an earthy prowess. A storm of elegance and slam, this wine thrusts intrigue as it pounds the pavement.  No matter what you drink, you’ll have a ball!

Photo: R. Stuart & Co.

Posted by Teri Citterman

White Warm Wine and Bill Clinton

Last week I was in Arkansas and I didn’t see Bill C. This week I was in Atlanta and Bill C. met me for lunch (he was the key note, so a few hundred others joined us.)  Kinda odd, but even odder –  I packed my schoolgirl costume just in case (c’mon, I was an intern in the 90s).

Oddest of all, however, I was dining in Wynne, Arkansas – 70ish miles from the Memphis airport — at the local country club (that’s another story)  and there on the wine list (by list I mean 1 white, 1 red) was Washington wine.  In Arkansas! I was pretty impressed and immediately ordered a glass of Snoqualmie Riesling.  A generous pour arrived in a huge goblet — white…and warm. Tempting to toss in a few ice cubes (97 degrees out), but I couldn’t do it, so I just drank the white half.  Cheers!

Photo: Snoqualmie.com

Posted by Teri Citterman

The Maple Kind?

I can’t stop watching this and it makes me so happy! It’s great because it’s simple. He’s an uncomplicated Canadian Germany Shephardy sort – and no one’s expecting greatness.  He’s not a deep dog, not profound. So what, besides beer, would this dog imbibe in?  Maybe something from the House of Mutt Lynch — Rusty Muttitage Red or Chateau D’og Cabernet Sauvignon.  I don’t know.  He’s not really that type. So rollover and bite me!

Photo: Mutt Lynch Winery

Posted by Teri Citterman

Guardian Cellars – Be Palin’s First!

What has prompted the media’s utter desperation to resort to chasing a placeholder like Sarah Palin around the country begging to be her first?  Its as if they’ve become one big ball of “get it over with”.  Awkward!!!  What’s the point?  Precisely. More importantly, what does one drink on such a sobering occasion?  Something a white and light that squeals just a little. Guardian, Angel, 2010 Sauvignon Blanc, erupts in fits of citrusy lemon and dry peach.  I love this wine because of its sense of humor.   Loves to laugh – but keep in mind, it’s not laughing with you!

Photo: Guardian Cellars

Posted by Teri Citterman